You're Never Too Old to Not Learn Something New

I was excited when my friend Kristy suggested taking a photo class together. She'd just bought a big-shot Canon 50D and I still hadn't read the manual that came with mine. Now, I've taken over 5 years of photography classes and majored in Creative Photography in college, but that didn't stop me from not retaining any of the handy technical information~ the stuff my brain automatically dismisses as being"unfun, non-artsy content." If it even resembles math, I shut down mentally. So I thought it would be great to take a refresher course on the interworkings of my camera, but mainly I enrolled so I could hang out with Kristy (and her friend Christi) every Wednesday night for 5 weeks. And it really was exhilarating~ three girls going out to dinner before class and then lounging with desserts at Steamer's Jazz Cafe after. And I'm proud to report that even in a 5-week course we managed to ditch the last half of one class. Our only regret was that we bothered with the first half.

Here's what I learned in my photo class.

Week 1: You're never too old to draw a heart tattoo on a friend's arm when you are bored in class.

Week 2: Nothing, absolutely nothing, is sweeter in this world than an elderly couple attending a digital photography course.

Week 3: A massive pool of cup condensation is a good measure of when you have been in one place too long.

Week 4: The world is your couch when you take your shoes off.

Week 5: You know when you are DONE with your class when:

a) You take careful notice of the room's emergency evacuation plan

b) You play mental checkers with yourself on your plaid pants

c) You clean out your purse, balance your checkbook, make next week's grocery list and then frantically try and think up another semi-domestic task to complete

d) You are truly interested in the doodle art of your neighbor

Oh yeah, and a gray card can solve all of life's problems.

Serenity

I don't know exactly when it was, or what it was, but my life went from being one giant hell-hole to sweet, daily serenity. It still shocks me to hear myself say "I'm not fond of the baby stage," because who doesn't love babies? The same people who dislike Ellen, Moulin Rouge and small furry animals, no doubt? Nope. People who don't love infants are people who had babies with colic, babies who wouldn't nap, and who had sky-high expectations of themselves as mothers long before they gave birth. Don't get me wrong, I love other people's babies (as long as I can hand them over the moment they fuss.)

A year ago I was just starting to recover from that first year of Jude, a time I refer to as "The Black Hole 2007." Now I find myself starting to think about having another baby, and what it would be like to start all over again. I'm a) scared out of my mind and b) so in love with the idea of having a daughter, that the idea of getting pregnant again just fights itself out in my head almost daily. I'm convinced that even if my next baby is somehow a direct descendant of Satan himself, it could not be harder than the first time around. Only because I know how hard it is and the shock of how massively upsetting a newborn can be to one's whole character could not destroy me again. Anyway. Back to the happy.

Now, almost 2 years later, I am purely content and delighted with my "new" life as a mother. It really changed for me when Jude started to talk, and dance, and give random kisses. It made a world of difference~ he went from being a motionless blob of need to a sweet little funny-man. And those days I always longed for, those movie montage moments where everything is in slow motion... feathers flying from a pillow fight, little legs running through sprinklers, picking a bunch of wildflowers on a nature walk... this is finally how my life feels, at this moment. In every hour there is some random precious occurrence that makes me want to sing. (And heck yes, there are still meltdowns about some tiny thing that interrupts my bliss and makes me momentarily swear off another child altogether, but for once that's not what I'm writing about.) That life I have always worked toward and dreamed of is finally here. I have it. And I can honestly say that I've never been happier.

Death by Photoshop

So it turned out to be a love/hate relationship. I went into meltdown mode the day after my last post while trying to learn Photoshop the, "proper way." Turns out you have to know a bunch about the program to even begin to comprehend the manual. Let's just say I may have spent more time throwing the manual against the wall than actually learning from it. I did Google tons of helpful tutorials, on "How to learn about how to learn Photoshop" and "Support groups for photographers-turned-cutters attempting Photoshop for the first time"...etc. At one point I had myself convinced that I never wanted to take or edit another photograph in my entire life.
And then there was Gibson.

My good friends Ryan and Lisa just had sweet baby Gibson Lee (what a cool name for a rock guitarist's son) on May 19th, so this little guy was only 10 days old for his first portraits. He inspired me to press on with Photoshop, and here are a few of my favorites from our shoot.

Baby Gibson, your adorableness saved me.

Patience is annoying

Ahhhhhh, I'm in love!

I bought Photoshop CS2 and it arrived on Friday. Rhys installed it while I was away on my "alone-time weekend" and the moment Jude went down for a nap this afternoon I ran and tinkered around with it. Oh my gosh, there are so many applications and actions to learn, and I want to know it all NOW! Have I mentioned I'm not an instruction-manual-reading type of girl? I'm more of a trial-and-error learner, which takes at least twice as long and creates a constant little voice in my head that chants "am I really doing this right?" until I finally break down and read the manual. I still have no idea what most of the buttons on my fancy camera do, I just shoot "blindly" in the natural light & manual settings. Here is my first attempt at Photoshop, before reading any instructions. I promised myself I would though. Eventually. Why can't Jude take all-day naps when I need him to?

The Happy List

The arboretum.
This is my new favorite spot. There is a bench hidden in the tall redwoods with a stream that runs right in front of it. I bring my lunch, book and journal and park it here. It smells so crisp and piney, and the sound of the brook just completes this pristine setting. For an hour or so I completely forget that I'm in Southern California. Until I pull out of the parking lot and almost get sideswiped by a bleached blond who is too busy texting to drive, then gives me the stink eye. But oh, the beauty of this spot, for that sweet hour.

The gratitude journal.

I started a journal of things I am grateful for in my life, because by writing them down I am able to truly appreciate how abundant they are. I'm in a particularly wonderful place in my life right now, where motherhood & creative Carrie have intersected. I was worried it would never again connect since mothering takes so much time and energy (and frankly, sucks out my very soul at times). But I've achieved a peaceful balance lately. I've made it a priority to feed my soul fresh air, good books, and more alone time. And from that came a gratitude journal that is overflowing with things that I have been blessed with... as a mother, a wife, and an artistic spirit.

The happy list.

One of the books I'm reading suggests making a list of the little things that make your heart glow. I thought it would be fun to post it so that I could look back on this moment in time and remember them all. This font was made from my own handwriting on this website which is so cool. I did it when it was free but I think they charge $15 for it now.
This weekend I have another hotel vacation all by myself, woo hoo! I will be eating a ton, shopping like a madwoman, and hopefully surviving to blog about it.

Easter, Poker, and other Frivolities

Alright, this is going to be a long one. I'm torturously behind on my photo editing and realized that I haven't even posted Easter yet. This will be the Cliff Notes version of April events with the Bucheles.

This awesome little hand-crafted wooden chair was $16.99 at Home Goods. Are you kidding me? I almost felt guilty paying that little for it. The secret to getting this shot was dropping Jude in the middle of a tall, vast field of flowers. He hates walking in overgrown grass, therefore is "stuck" until I move him. I'm so bad. So what may be interpreted as a serene Spring moment was actually Jude worrying about how his next meal would find him in this field.

After realizing two days prior to the Easter egg hunt that I'd forgotten to get Jude a basket (then frantically trying to find a Pottery Barn one that I loved on eBay) I decided to just make him one. This worked only because it didn't require fancing sewing, only a bit of hand-stitching around the J inside the basket. I was amazed at how well he was with the egg search since he's never done anything like this before. He went around and collected every egg like an old pro. He must have been informed about the sugary snacks inside. A few days later we played poker at a birthday party. Here's Jude's poker face. He plays a mean Texas Hold'em.

We went back to the Mission Inn in April for our 4th wedding anniversary and it was so great to take Jude with us this time. On our wedding day I imagined we'd bring our kids back to visit someday, so it was really sweet to be there with him.

Also in April, Jude began his new "cheese face" for pictures. He does this when I make him pose for photos for more than a few shots... which is often. It makes him look a bit like Phillip Seymore Hoffman, not a particularly good look for him.

It's not easy, this stay-at-home-mom gig. Trying to think of new activities to entertain and educate your toddler all day is a daunting task. I find myself spinning Jude in an office chair, riding escalators in Nordstrom, coloring our atrium with sidewalk chalk, pillow fighting, reading the same books a thousand times, cutting endless amounts of food into tiny pieces, playing freeze dance with a musical greeting card, dancing to Zeppelin on crackling vinyl in the living room. Over and over. Yet somehow, I'm not sick of it. Somehow, this tiny person has taught me how to live in the moment. Sure, sometimes I get burned out or have days when I'm just not in the mood to be a mom~ but that's the case with every job I've ever had. I'm happy to report that I am really enjoying these precious little things that will all be gone before I know it. When I'm straightening his tie as he races out the door to his junior prom, I'll be happy to have these silly little memories with me.

Mother of the Year Award 2009

It was an honor just to be nominated...

(Turn down my radio and click this link:) http://news.cnnbcvideo.com/?nid=PSg7Md6k47kAhaHSFKIeLzExMTU2MDY3&referred_by=4057973-Ot8AYex&p=moveon

Thanks Sharon, for sending me this. You're the best!

the boys, in quiet black & white

Bigger Blog Pics!

Don't worry, not all of my pictures will be this huge. I'm just testing out my new found skill. I emailed Emily asking for the secret to her gigantic blog pictures and she created an awesome tutorial about it. Click here if you want to see how the magic happens. Thanks again Emily, you are insanely cool for doing this.

A Love Story

Today is my wedding anniversary. I've been married 4 years. It seems like yesterday that I was meeting my online semi-blind dates in a candlelit corner of the Gypsy Den coffee shop, in search of my true love. In honor of today I'm going to tell the story of how we met.

I was freshly out of a 6-month relationship with Izak, a guy I'd met on Yahoo personals. He was sweet, fun, and non-committal. I knew he wasn't husband material after he wondered aloud (in my presence) if he'd be single at 40. Thanks, buddy. So I ended that and decided to give up the online search and let fate take its course without any help from me or my computer. When I logged on to delete my Yahoo profile, a pop-up window for Lavalife appeared. This was the picture I saw:



I loved this artsy little ad, it's raining men! Perhaps I was just using the wrong online service? I clicked the link and did a basic search. I checked the box that said "profiles with pictures only" and it came up with 40 or so matches. All but one had a picture. It caught my eye because I wondered how it got in the bunch, and then I noticed his tag line: I'm Insane, Actually. Of course I had to pursue this... is he really nuts? But people that are crazy don't exactly know they're crazy, or don't advertise it... right? I was immediately intrigued. And then his next words. Oh, those perfect next words. Here is what Rhys wrote on his Lavalife profile~ August 25th, 2003:

"I'm insane, actually. My favorite activities include measuring your digits to see if they're in golden proportion to one another, dining in (how about fresh salmon with a ginger-teriyaki glaze topped with fresh mango cilantro black mustard salsa, feta and mache salad, homemade carrot cake for dessert?), a great bottle of wine, and a not often heard combination of Radiohead, Shostakovich and Miles Davis. Why not? Life is good. I mean, I understand what all the confusion is about. I really do! I just don't feel like being confused. I'd rather be wise and happy and fruitful. I'd rather be a good husband, a good father, a good person. There are too many boys and girls out there playing their little games, hurting one another, hurting their kids, hurting the world around them. I hate games. Why should love be so complicated and painful! You don't have to be perfect. You just have to know who you are."

Game over. There's my husband.

Now here's where it gets even better: the night I logged on was the very night he created and posted his profile. We'd found each other within hours. And somehow he found his way to me even without a profile picture. I paid $1.50 for 5 credits to email him, and by the next day we were both off of Lavalife.

We emailed like crazy and talked on the phone for hours. All the while I'd never seen what he looked like. But I didn't care, this was my German husband. After a week he finally borrowed a camera and sent me a picture, and I was elated. He fit into my "perfect physical features" category, I couldn't believe it. I half expected him to be 50 and obese, but I was ready for it. But no, an angel with white blond hair. Who plays the violin. Who can cook really well. Who's apartment was cleaner than mine.

For our first date, I drove to his house and I even left my online dating mace at home. I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I told the girls at work "See ya later, I'm off to meet my German husband." That night, towards the end of our 10-hour first date, we danced to Chet Baker's "This is Always." I made the decision in that moment that we would dance at our wedding to that same song. A year later we were engaged, 9 months after that we were married. And to this day, there is nothing I'm more sure of than this decision I made to spend the rest of my life with Rhys Buchele.

Here is a little slide show of wedding highlights I put together for our anniversary.
I love, love you, my German husband... you are a good husband, good father, good person.

**Scroll down to the very bottom of the page and hit the Pause button on the Playlist, before playing the slide show**