A Great Deal of Maintenance Required

I heard Pearl Jam's Nothingman on the radio last night while sitting in the car. It had been years since I'd heard it and it took me right back there... to that place where crazy naivety meets romantic melancholy under pale yellow street lights, where everything still seems incredibly possible and yet just out of reach.

I don't know what it is about this song, but it does something to me. It always has. It was released right before my birthday in 1994, I had just graduated from high school. I was 17 and full of energy and quiet rage and wonder of what this gigantic world had waiting for me. This was my song of choice to sit and cry to, and no matter what the situation was, the melody always fit my sorrow. And of course, like all favorite songs from the past, there is one particular boy it makes me think of. And a girl. The ones who remind me of my youth and that crackling creative energy that fueled my life back then.

Then I remembered THIS~ one of the most brilliantly written moments on television. It was a flashback montage on Californication, set perfectly to Nothingman. It captures the exact feeling I get when I hear this song, and the dramatic mood that was my life back then. Full of road tripping and off-key singing and obnoxiously loud laughing. Flowers on the dashboard. Polaroids galore. Breaking up, making up. Trying to find a perfect balance. A beautiful, unparalleled trust that friends will be there forever.

Full of the Not Knowing... oh so bittersweet.

But would I go back? No way. Well, maybe for a little while.

If I could take 25 minutes out of the record books.