A Great Deal of Maintenance Required

I heard Pearl Jam's Nothingman on the radio last night while sitting in the car. It had been years since I'd heard it and it took me right back there... to that place where crazy naivety meets romantic melancholy under pale yellow street lights, where everything still seems incredibly possible and yet just out of reach.

I don't know what it is about this song, but it does something to me. It always has. It was released right before my birthday in 1994, I had just graduated from high school. I was 17 and full of energy and quiet rage and wonder of what this gigantic world had waiting for me. This was my song of choice to sit and cry to, and no matter what the situation was, the melody always fit my sorrow. And of course, like all favorite songs from the past, there is one particular boy it makes me think of. And a girl. The ones who remind me of my youth and that crackling creative energy that fueled my life back then.

Then I remembered THIS~ one of the most brilliantly written moments on television. It was a flashback montage on Californication, set perfectly to Nothingman. It captures the exact feeling I get when I hear this song, and the dramatic mood that was my life back then. Full of road tripping and off-key singing and obnoxiously loud laughing. Flowers on the dashboard. Polaroids galore. Breaking up, making up. Trying to find a perfect balance. A beautiful, unparalleled trust that friends will be there forever.

Full of the Not Knowing... oh so bittersweet.

But would I go back? No way. Well, maybe for a little while.

If I could take 25 minutes out of the record books.

Random Ramblings of a Redhead

This one's gonna be long and random, a pish-posh of memories from August and September. I went to a taping of Dr. Phil with my friend Kristy, and before you start throwing chairs at me, I didn't go to see Dr. Phil. I went to see my Favorite Person in the World That I've Never Met, Heather Armstrong, talk about the neverending Stay-At-Home Mom vs Working Mom debate. I sent an email request to be in their audience and got a call back the next day. The guy interviewed me over the phone about my life as a mother and apparently I "passed," because we were invited and placed in the front row about 5 seats from Heather. I wanted to throw her a paper airplane note but I decided against it. I didn't want Robin McGraw coming after me.
I'm not sure when the show airs since the producers had no idea themselves.
I think our favorite part was walking through an old Hollywood cemetery to get to the studio.


We bought Jude a new wagon and gave him high-speed rides over parking lot speed bumps. The next morning I woke up sore. This is when you know you're getting old.

Ah, the Orange County Fair. Jude had his first Dippin Dots ice cream which turned out to be the best experience of his life so far. He pet some interesting animals, went on his first carny ride, and had cotton candy for the first time. We had a blast, then I thought I'd come down with a horrible chronic disease a few days later. Rule #1: Don't eat the fair food. That's also Rule #2-10.

Rhys and I have been working like mad on our Mosaic Music studio's website and marketing stuff. Throw two people together to try to design a website who have no clue how to work Adobe Illustrator, Photoshop or Dreamweaver and you have quite a circus. Even though it was incredibly frustrating, we were proud to be able to do it ourselves, together. We've just introduced a Mommy & Me and Musical Theater class and we're hoping they are successful. The Mommy & Me class was featured on our local OC mom blog Tiny Oranges. Jude and I were the first to sign up for our class, of course. Although I have a fear of singing in a little circle of toddlers I figure if I own the place, I won't have to. Or, they'll have to pretend I'm great.

~

Our little family spent a bunch of time in Long Beach, shopping on 2nd street, getting cupcakes at Frosted, and walking on the beach. Our favorite thing about Long Beach is a little street called Loynes that is so bumpy if you hit a bend fast enough, you catch air. We speed down that road and do u-turns until we start feeling sick.

And sadly, there was a first black eye this month. Jude decided it would be cool to do a nose-dive off the couch and into the coffee table. Here is his trophy. Don't you think the wife-beater tank top adds a little something to this look?

Current life goals of mine include: Sitting around the table that brainstorms concepts for new seasons of Dexter, visiting the Muppet ranch in LA, and being a back-up dancer for a performance of Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal. I know that last one is a bit tricky since the King of Pop is no longer with us, but since I spent the better part of my early adulthood practicing those particular dance moves, it deserves to be on my Dream List. The costumes, the dancing, the Man. I was supposed to be a part of that original music video, I was just born a little too late.

My short-term goal is throwing my son a 2nd birthday party on Saturday. Really? Two years? Okay, sometimes it seems like he should be 10 by now... but other times it feels like a flash of light.

Sweet Sean Brady... no, not the one from Days of Our Lives

Oh wow. Has it been two months since I've blogged? So much happens in two months these days, it's overwhelming to think of trying to catch up. Being the Director of Development for a toddler isn't a small task, but hey... the pay is great. Oh wait, I WORK FOR FREE. Well, he pays me in extremely tight neck hugs and random jigs to music only he can hear, which is the best compensation of all time.

Highlights of this month include a photo shoot with Baby Sean Brady who was perfection in every way. Oh how I loved this photo session. Funny how much I love photographing babies this small but if I had to spend more than one night trying to keep them fed and well-rested, I'd be done before I started. I'm hoping the next tiny Buchele is one amazing sleeper right out of the gate like this little guy was.

Baby Sean was almost 2 weeks old here. Don't you just wanna pinch a cheek or two?

And since Blogger seems to have a spacing vendetta against me tonight, I'm going to post this now before I slowly go insane trying to add more pictures from the Highlights of my last couple of months. I'll be back.

You're Never Too Old to Not Learn Something New

I was excited when my friend Kristy suggested taking a photo class together. She'd just bought a big-shot Canon 50D and I still hadn't read the manual that came with mine. Now, I've taken over 5 years of photography classes and majored in Creative Photography in college, but that didn't stop me from not retaining any of the handy technical information~ the stuff my brain automatically dismisses as being"unfun, non-artsy content." If it even resembles math, I shut down mentally. So I thought it would be great to take a refresher course on the interworkings of my camera, but mainly I enrolled so I could hang out with Kristy (and her friend Christi) every Wednesday night for 5 weeks. And it really was exhilarating~ three girls going out to dinner before class and then lounging with desserts at Steamer's Jazz Cafe after. And I'm proud to report that even in a 5-week course we managed to ditch the last half of one class. Our only regret was that we bothered with the first half.

Here's what I learned in my photo class.

Week 1: You're never too old to draw a heart tattoo on a friend's arm when you are bored in class.

Week 2: Nothing, absolutely nothing, is sweeter in this world than an elderly couple attending a digital photography course.

Week 3: A massive pool of cup condensation is a good measure of when you have been in one place too long.

Week 4: The world is your couch when you take your shoes off.

Week 5: You know when you are DONE with your class when:

a) You take careful notice of the room's emergency evacuation plan

b) You play mental checkers with yourself on your plaid pants

c) You clean out your purse, balance your checkbook, make next week's grocery list and then frantically try and think up another semi-domestic task to complete

d) You are truly interested in the doodle art of your neighbor

Oh yeah, and a gray card can solve all of life's problems.

Serenity

I don't know exactly when it was, or what it was, but my life went from being one giant hell-hole to sweet, daily serenity. It still shocks me to hear myself say "I'm not fond of the baby stage," because who doesn't love babies? The same people who dislike Ellen, Moulin Rouge and small furry animals, no doubt? Nope. People who don't love infants are people who had babies with colic, babies who wouldn't nap, and who had sky-high expectations of themselves as mothers long before they gave birth. Don't get me wrong, I love other people's babies (as long as I can hand them over the moment they fuss.)

A year ago I was just starting to recover from that first year of Jude, a time I refer to as "The Black Hole 2007." Now I find myself starting to think about having another baby, and what it would be like to start all over again. I'm a) scared out of my mind and b) so in love with the idea of having a daughter, that the idea of getting pregnant again just fights itself out in my head almost daily. I'm convinced that even if my next baby is somehow a direct descendant of Satan himself, it could not be harder than the first time around. Only because I know how hard it is and the shock of how massively upsetting a newborn can be to one's whole character could not destroy me again. Anyway. Back to the happy.

Now, almost 2 years later, I am purely content and delighted with my "new" life as a mother. It really changed for me when Jude started to talk, and dance, and give random kisses. It made a world of difference~ he went from being a motionless blob of need to a sweet little funny-man. And those days I always longed for, those movie montage moments where everything is in slow motion... feathers flying from a pillow fight, little legs running through sprinklers, picking a bunch of wildflowers on a nature walk... this is finally how my life feels, at this moment. In every hour there is some random precious occurrence that makes me want to sing. (And heck yes, there are still meltdowns about some tiny thing that interrupts my bliss and makes me momentarily swear off another child altogether, but for once that's not what I'm writing about.) That life I have always worked toward and dreamed of is finally here. I have it. And I can honestly say that I've never been happier.

Death by Photoshop

So it turned out to be a love/hate relationship. I went into meltdown mode the day after my last post while trying to learn Photoshop the, "proper way." Turns out you have to know a bunch about the program to even begin to comprehend the manual. Let's just say I may have spent more time throwing the manual against the wall than actually learning from it. I did Google tons of helpful tutorials, on "How to learn about how to learn Photoshop" and "Support groups for photographers-turned-cutters attempting Photoshop for the first time"...etc. At one point I had myself convinced that I never wanted to take or edit another photograph in my entire life.
And then there was Gibson.

My good friends Ryan and Lisa just had sweet baby Gibson Lee (what a cool name for a rock guitarist's son) on May 19th, so this little guy was only 10 days old for his first portraits. He inspired me to press on with Photoshop, and here are a few of my favorites from our shoot.

Baby Gibson, your adorableness saved me.

Patience is annoying

Ahhhhhh, I'm in love!

I bought Photoshop CS2 and it arrived on Friday. Rhys installed it while I was away on my "alone-time weekend" and the moment Jude went down for a nap this afternoon I ran and tinkered around with it. Oh my gosh, there are so many applications and actions to learn, and I want to know it all NOW! Have I mentioned I'm not an instruction-manual-reading type of girl? I'm more of a trial-and-error learner, which takes at least twice as long and creates a constant little voice in my head that chants "am I really doing this right?" until I finally break down and read the manual. I still have no idea what most of the buttons on my fancy camera do, I just shoot "blindly" in the natural light & manual settings. Here is my first attempt at Photoshop, before reading any instructions. I promised myself I would though. Eventually. Why can't Jude take all-day naps when I need him to?

The Happy List

The arboretum.
This is my new favorite spot. There is a bench hidden in the tall redwoods with a stream that runs right in front of it. I bring my lunch, book and journal and park it here. It smells so crisp and piney, and the sound of the brook just completes this pristine setting. For an hour or so I completely forget that I'm in Southern California. Until I pull out of the parking lot and almost get sideswiped by a bleached blond who is too busy texting to drive, then gives me the stink eye. But oh, the beauty of this spot, for that sweet hour.

The gratitude journal.

I started a journal of things I am grateful for in my life, because by writing them down I am able to truly appreciate how abundant they are. I'm in a particularly wonderful place in my life right now, where motherhood & creative Carrie have intersected. I was worried it would never again connect since mothering takes so much time and energy (and frankly, sucks out my very soul at times). But I've achieved a peaceful balance lately. I've made it a priority to feed my soul fresh air, good books, and more alone time. And from that came a gratitude journal that is overflowing with things that I have been blessed with... as a mother, a wife, and an artistic spirit.

The happy list.

One of the books I'm reading suggests making a list of the little things that make your heart glow. I thought it would be fun to post it so that I could look back on this moment in time and remember them all. This font was made from my own handwriting on this website which is so cool. I did it when it was free but I think they charge $15 for it now.
This weekend I have another hotel vacation all by myself, woo hoo! I will be eating a ton, shopping like a madwoman, and hopefully surviving to blog about it.

Easter, Poker, and other Frivolities

Alright, this is going to be a long one. I'm torturously behind on my photo editing and realized that I haven't even posted Easter yet. This will be the Cliff Notes version of April events with the Bucheles.

This awesome little hand-crafted wooden chair was $16.99 at Home Goods. Are you kidding me? I almost felt guilty paying that little for it. The secret to getting this shot was dropping Jude in the middle of a tall, vast field of flowers. He hates walking in overgrown grass, therefore is "stuck" until I move him. I'm so bad. So what may be interpreted as a serene Spring moment was actually Jude worrying about how his next meal would find him in this field.

After realizing two days prior to the Easter egg hunt that I'd forgotten to get Jude a basket (then frantically trying to find a Pottery Barn one that I loved on eBay) I decided to just make him one. This worked only because it didn't require fancing sewing, only a bit of hand-stitching around the J inside the basket. I was amazed at how well he was with the egg search since he's never done anything like this before. He went around and collected every egg like an old pro. He must have been informed about the sugary snacks inside. A few days later we played poker at a birthday party. Here's Jude's poker face. He plays a mean Texas Hold'em.

We went back to the Mission Inn in April for our 4th wedding anniversary and it was so great to take Jude with us this time. On our wedding day I imagined we'd bring our kids back to visit someday, so it was really sweet to be there with him.

Also in April, Jude began his new "cheese face" for pictures. He does this when I make him pose for photos for more than a few shots... which is often. It makes him look a bit like Phillip Seymore Hoffman, not a particularly good look for him.

It's not easy, this stay-at-home-mom gig. Trying to think of new activities to entertain and educate your toddler all day is a daunting task. I find myself spinning Jude in an office chair, riding escalators in Nordstrom, coloring our atrium with sidewalk chalk, pillow fighting, reading the same books a thousand times, cutting endless amounts of food into tiny pieces, playing freeze dance with a musical greeting card, dancing to Zeppelin on crackling vinyl in the living room. Over and over. Yet somehow, I'm not sick of it. Somehow, this tiny person has taught me how to live in the moment. Sure, sometimes I get burned out or have days when I'm just not in the mood to be a mom~ but that's the case with every job I've ever had. I'm happy to report that I am really enjoying these precious little things that will all be gone before I know it. When I'm straightening his tie as he races out the door to his junior prom, I'll be happy to have these silly little memories with me.

Mother of the Year Award 2009

It was an honor just to be nominated...

(Turn down my radio and click this link:) http://news.cnnbcvideo.com/?nid=PSg7Md6k47kAhaHSFKIeLzExMTU2MDY3&referred_by=4057973-Ot8AYex&p=moveon

Thanks Sharon, for sending me this. You're the best!

the boys, in quiet black & white

Bigger Blog Pics!

Don't worry, not all of my pictures will be this huge. I'm just testing out my new found skill. I emailed Emily asking for the secret to her gigantic blog pictures and she created an awesome tutorial about it. Click here if you want to see how the magic happens. Thanks again Emily, you are insanely cool for doing this.

A Love Story

Today is my wedding anniversary. I've been married 4 years. It seems like yesterday that I was meeting my online semi-blind dates in a candlelit corner of the Gypsy Den coffee shop, in search of my true love. In honor of today I'm going to tell the story of how we met.

I was freshly out of a 6-month relationship with Izak, a guy I'd met on Yahoo personals. He was sweet, fun, and non-committal. I knew he wasn't husband material after he wondered aloud (in my presence) if he'd be single at 40. Thanks, buddy. So I ended that and decided to give up the online search and let fate take its course without any help from me or my computer. When I logged on to delete my Yahoo profile, a pop-up window for Lavalife appeared. This was the picture I saw:



I loved this artsy little ad, it's raining men! Perhaps I was just using the wrong online service? I clicked the link and did a basic search. I checked the box that said "profiles with pictures only" and it came up with 40 or so matches. All but one had a picture. It caught my eye because I wondered how it got in the bunch, and then I noticed his tag line: I'm Insane, Actually. Of course I had to pursue this... is he really nuts? But people that are crazy don't exactly know they're crazy, or don't advertise it... right? I was immediately intrigued. And then his next words. Oh, those perfect next words. Here is what Rhys wrote on his Lavalife profile~ August 25th, 2003:

"I'm insane, actually. My favorite activities include measuring your digits to see if they're in golden proportion to one another, dining in (how about fresh salmon with a ginger-teriyaki glaze topped with fresh mango cilantro black mustard salsa, feta and mache salad, homemade carrot cake for dessert?), a great bottle of wine, and a not often heard combination of Radiohead, Shostakovich and Miles Davis. Why not? Life is good. I mean, I understand what all the confusion is about. I really do! I just don't feel like being confused. I'd rather be wise and happy and fruitful. I'd rather be a good husband, a good father, a good person. There are too many boys and girls out there playing their little games, hurting one another, hurting their kids, hurting the world around them. I hate games. Why should love be so complicated and painful! You don't have to be perfect. You just have to know who you are."

Game over. There's my husband.

Now here's where it gets even better: the night I logged on was the very night he created and posted his profile. We'd found each other within hours. And somehow he found his way to me even without a profile picture. I paid $1.50 for 5 credits to email him, and by the next day we were both off of Lavalife.

We emailed like crazy and talked on the phone for hours. All the while I'd never seen what he looked like. But I didn't care, this was my German husband. After a week he finally borrowed a camera and sent me a picture, and I was elated. He fit into my "perfect physical features" category, I couldn't believe it. I half expected him to be 50 and obese, but I was ready for it. But no, an angel with white blond hair. Who plays the violin. Who can cook really well. Who's apartment was cleaner than mine.

For our first date, I drove to his house and I even left my online dating mace at home. I've never been so sure of anything in my life. I told the girls at work "See ya later, I'm off to meet my German husband." That night, towards the end of our 10-hour first date, we danced to Chet Baker's "This is Always." I made the decision in that moment that we would dance at our wedding to that same song. A year later we were engaged, 9 months after that we were married. And to this day, there is nothing I'm more sure of than this decision I made to spend the rest of my life with Rhys Buchele.

Here is a little slide show of wedding highlights I put together for our anniversary.
I love, love you, my German husband... you are a good husband, good father, good person.

**Scroll down to the very bottom of the page and hit the Pause button on the Playlist, before playing the slide show**

The Long Way Home

Hallelujah!

Our long journey home has ended and we are finally where we are supposed to be.

A few things I've been reminded of lately:

*Drinking hot tea in a hot bubble bath is the cure for the common anything

*Having an attached garage saves your lower back (groceries + toddler= heavy)

*Having a sparkly new washer/dryer makes doing laundry downright delightful

*Warm homemade bread is damn good

We moved a few weeks ago, two garages down. But the difference in the two homes is vast and wonderful. We now have a bathtub that isn't located in Jude's nursery, a garage that opens to the house, a new washer/dryer of our very own and... I found my old bread maker! (I don't think we "lost anything in the move," but I sure found some stuff.) Not to mention this new place is twice as big with no spiral staircase, no hard tile floor and has an indoor garden atrium right smack in the middle of the house. We are very happy birds in this new nest of ours. Our cats seem to enjoy sunbathing in the stream of sunlight that pours from the huge windows on our vaulted ceilings.

Around noon our whole exceedingly pale family needs sunblock indoors (roman blinds are in the works). Here is a picture I took of Jude and I in front of a vintage stained glass window in our living room. Looks like we're outdoors, doesn't it? We might as well be.

Jude helped us unpack and decide what to keep and what to get rid of. He was really cut-throat about it, he's not a fan of clutter.

"Hmmm... Mom hasn't listened to this CD in ages... *toss*..."

And sometimes he thought it was a better idea to undo something I had just done, such as "reorganize" my shoe closet. Outside the closet.

March flew by, we stayed crazy busy with home renovations and decorating. Now that we are settled, April is the start of our new life and is already filled with playdates, a wedding, a baby shower, a 30th birthday party, two Easter egg hunts, and a new play gym membership for Jude... dare I say we actually have a busy social calender coming up?

My newest project: starting my own local Mom's Club. After searching online for something that I was excited about and coming up short, I decided to organize a group of hip chick mamas in the area to join forces against the June Cleavers of the world. I'm not a "loving every minute of it" mom, seeking same. Not that I don't love motherhood, I really do. I just don't love the messes, the tantrums, the night-wakings, the separation anxiety... in other words, I love most of it, just not all of it. But man is it difficult to find honest, fun women that aren't constantly comparing their toddler's shoe size and vocabulary. I can't pretend to have all of my ducks in a row, because they just aren't. I may have even misplaced a few ducks. I'm not wearing a Juicy Couture velour track suit and I probably forgot to pack a snack. I just want good conversation with creative people and a fun time for Jude. So, the search begins. I'm hoping to produce an intimate group of about 10 girls to kick around with once a week, and hopefully inspire each other to be honest and supportive. If only my girls from Babycenter lived next door.

Here are a few recent pictures of Jude, mostly taken in our indoor atrium. It's pristine, even lighting almost all day long... score!