Gratitude

I have been dreading this day for a while, partly because I knew I'd have to get up at 7 am after a regular night of non-sleep to be at our GI doctor appointment at 8 and mostly because I figured the news wouldn't be good. And like so many things in this strange and wonderfully unpredictable life, today turned out to be one of my best days in a long time.

Somehow we managed to drag ourselves out of bed at 7 am and be in the car with both kids by 7:20. Rhys and I deserve medals of honor for that accomplishment, and we are both our own heroes right now. Those of you with kids know just what I'm talking about. Anyway, the GI doc was an asian version of Keanu in The Matrix, really. He was profoundly perplexed at every turn of our conversation. I was thrilled to see that he was young and a good listener and had Versace glasses, though I don't know why that was of any importance. Something about a guy that can choose a gorgeous pair of prescription glasses really wins my heart. He listened to us very carefully, looked at the dirty diaper I'd stored in a ziploc baggie in the fridge, and said "I'm really happy with this poop." I was so relieved. He went on to say that Raya is in the 90th percentile for both her weight and height for this age. In other words, she's gigantic. Which means she is thriving on my breastmilk despite her continuous habit of fussing and frantic latching/unlatching. He also said that I could.... wait for it.... EAT WHATEVER THE HECK I WANT!! She has no food allergy, based on the fact that I have been killing myself on this elimination diet for over 2 weeks with no results. I told him that the appointment was well worth the $250 just for the go-ahead to eat Oreos again. He looked at me and said "$250?!?" as if he didn't know what he was charging for his office visits. Mmm hmm.

So here's the good/bad news: Raya is perfectly healthy, she just has a raging case of colic. He said to hang on, the worst is yet to come, until around 4-6 months. And I had a tiny heart attack right there, a small stroke in my chair. I had read that 50% of babies are done with colic by 2 months, and I'm holding on for dear life to that statistic. He said he wanted to give me the worst case scenario, to which I then said: "Don't." Let's just assume she's in that 50% group. Every day I wake up and say to a deceptively enchanting Raya, "Is today the last day of your colic?" and she smiles wide as if to say "Heck yes, mama. I'm done with that old trick. I'm as exhausted as you are." And I will pretend every day, every time she has an episode, every minute she's screaming, that this is the last. And one day all of a sudden, it really will be.

So I headed straight for the Nordstrom Cafe and got a mocha ice storm, a turkey & swiss croissant sandwich and a huge slice of chocolate bundt cake. That's right, the food hoarding has begun. I didn't waste any time. See how my drink is gone? That's because I drank it all before I had a chance to get home and take a picture.

Then I went to get the mail which has become my new "special time away" from home. I get my jeans on and head out past our lawn all the way to the mailbox! And today's mail... oooohhhh, today's mail.

My sweet, sweet soul sista Mandy made this amazing little hardcover book for me called "The People Who Love You." It is a compilation of all the girls on my Babycenter board that I started almost 3 years ago for girls like me who weren't immediately stuck down with pure joy at the onset of motherhood. They have become my closest friends, and I've never even met most of them in person. We talk every day about absolutely everything and they are my lifeline. This book includes pictures of all of them with little notes and jokes about each one, and how they miss me and are thinking of me during this hard time with Raya. And the last page includes a dear picture of my faithful loved ones. My husband, my little son... and Jeff Goldblum.
My other sweet, sweet soul sista Emily sent me a sunny polka dotted care package that consisted of: a gorgeous handmade wool flower headband for me, and a tiny matching one for Raya... a perfectly written note that hit every spot my heart needed, and a mix tape entitled "Crappy Days Mix." Words cannot begin to describe how much I loved everything in this box. Em, this is your thank you card. :) Thank you, thank you, thank you.


So, I decided that today is a day for a gratitude list. Here are the things that I'm currently, overwhelmingly grateful for.

My husband, who loves me so deeply and it shows in every little thing he does

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My happy, healthy Jude and his consistent 3-hour daily naps that save my life every afternoon

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My sister Melissa, and her thoughtful and clever view on life's tough situations

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My mom, who's help with Jude during these hard days has been so needed
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My Aunt Nancy, who always seems to have me in her thoughts and sends me emails that make me laugh

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My Babycenter sisters, for everything

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Emily and her continuous creativity and inspiration

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My mother in law, who drives 6 hours for visits and birthdays and has a wonderful way with Jude

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My crazy brother Daniel, who leaves messages on my voicemail like this one the other day: "Apparently when you leave a message on a cell phone, there's delivery options. Kinda like, either having a c-section, or a VBAC. Like you did. That's it."

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My new found appreciation for the tiniest of pleasures during the very small amounts of quiet time when my baby girl is actually sleeping: a cup of tea, an episode of Mad Men, a hot bath

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The pink Soothie pacifier that Raya now accepts on occasion

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Nordstrom coffee and delectables

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And despite everything she has put me through...

Raya, our pink frosting.

(And by the way missy, you're grounded until you are 15.)