2.04.2010

The Space Between

I posted a video (bottom of the blog) that I came across yesterday on one of my favorite photographer Davina's blog, created by the beautifully talented author Katherine Center. I was having a really bad day all around, and this little video instantly made everything better. I've watched it a few dozen times and somehow I have cried every single time, even though I have it memorized. That's mostly because of how artistically crafted it is, but can also be chalked up to some serious pregnancy hormones. I love that video.
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Motherhood.
Equal parts joy and heartache.
It requires so much more than you ever thought you had to give.
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Here I sit with a second baby riding shotgun, wondering how on earth I'll be able to mother two children at the same time. Wondering how I got as far as I did with this one I already have. I remember what one newborn was like, a little too vividly. Throw a toddler into the mix and what do you have? A simultaneous, three-way meltdown. I hope I can learn to balance this new life faster than I did the last one. There is nothing harder than finding that space in between Mother and Self. But there is also nothing more rewarding than discovering it and being able to stay in that delicate place.


4 comments:

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

I loved it too. Very moving. Very true. I love that you noticed the photographs and images. For me, it was the words spoken that captivated me. She was so incredibly honest and spot on with how hard motherhood is and how wonderful/rewarding it can be too. It really is the hardest and most special things we can do as women.

Your photographs are beautiful just like your family Carrie. Lovely post.

Christina said...

Yeah I am def. really scared about how i would manage two children at once. I always wanted more than one and close in age but I too reluctant now. It seems impossible to me but mostly because of sleeping issues.

I sitll rock my son to sleep and it takes an hour (sometimes a little less, sometimes more) so how would that work? Also you just have to hope they nap at the same time, unless the toddler drops the naps.
But at a certain point they help entertain one another. Do you have siblings? I have three sisters and we are all 2 years apart. Im constanly bewilderded by how in the hell my mom raised FOUR girls that close in age (and on her own) but she swears that having more than one makes it easier once you get past the initial craziness. (we also know that girls tend to be easier when they are younger)

So thats some hopeful news But i cant just jump on the bandwagon. I had a hard time just like you. Im too much of a wimp now. I might just stick it out with one....at leats for a while (like a while, while)

But you will do great, im sure. Jude seems really well behaved and sweet. Thast a real accomplishment, trust me. And you have found the SPACE BETWEEN. I havent yet, really. You seem to know how to write, still.....find time for yourself...be inspired.
You have a good balance. I think you are a natural!

Not to say Im "not" I suppose I just dont feel 100% competent these days. And ive never managed to find that balance between myself and being a mama. I just got obsessed with being a frazzled mom and stuck that way!

Emily S. said...

ADORE. Your words, the images that follow... the video. Love. Thank you.

mineral forest said...

beautiful beyond words. i am so thrilled for you Carrie - you can do it even better than last time - hold the faith firm that you are stronger, wiser, more loving , more generous, more patient and more beautiful than ever!!!! lots of love, can't wait for her!!!! xoxoxo