Love Day

I may be in the minority when it comes to Valentine's Day: I love it. I always have, even when I was a single girl living alone I'd bake a bunch of cupcakes, pass them around and run a super-fancy rose petal bath for myself. I'd listen to Sarah McLachlan by candlelight while dreaming of the man I'd someday marry. I've always loved love and all things romantic. My husband is a violinist and that's really all I needed to know. Well, that and his first emailed words to me which were, "You make me want to sing," based only on my profile picture and a little blurb about how incredibly electronically challenged I was. I love that man.

This Valentine's Day was beautiful. First, being the mom that I am, I searched for a themed t-shirt for my little son to wear. I finally found one on Etsy (all handmade items, like a creative version of eBay) that fit his style but happened to have a massive red heart on the front with a MOM banner across it. I won't be able to dress him in shirts that proclaim his love for me for very long, so you better believe I'm taking advantage of it while I can. I also bought an outfit that has a "Mommy" heart tattoo patch sewn onto the shoulder. What can I say, he's a hard-core fan of mine.

Rhys and I went on a real Valentine date and had dinner at Sushi Roku in Pasadena while my mom watched Jude. I'm aware that I look about 5 months preggo in the picture she took of us before we left but I assure you I am not. It's just the weird way my top bunched across Rhys' blazer. (Or it could be the chocolate kahlua cake habit I've formed, but let's just blame it on the blouse.) He brought me a gorgeous burgundy orchid plant that I'm going to do my best to keep alive. And I bought myself a little something random: a cherry blossom Moses basket from Babystyle. What? They're going out of business! I had to get it. I will have a baby girl...I will have a baby girl...

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Movie Monday

I've had a few requests to start a movie review on my blog since I'm such a film fanatic. I see a Tuesday matinee by myself every week (heaven!) and we watch about 15 DVDs a month. I'd like to just have a Movie Recommendation List instead, with a very brief comment on each. Okay I guess that's technically a movie review, but I'm not going to include bad films unless they are REALLY bad and I feel the need to vent about it. There are so many mediocre movies out there, I'd be on here all day.
In my opinion these are all little gems that are worth a watch.

Last Chance Harvey~ This is such a sweet little film, it is innocent and honest and makes you feel great about the deep connections you find with the most unexpected people in your life. The speech Harvey gives during his daughter's wedding had me crying and crying... if you know me well, you'll know why.
The Reader~ This one is rich and deep, about two people who have a strange loving bond for their entire lives based on just a short amount of time they spent together when they were young. It's amazing. And it's Kate Winslet, you can't go wrong.

Iron Man~ What a shocker this one was. Yeah I know, it's old news but I have a kid, remember? There was a handful of months in which I never rented a DVD (gasp!). But this was one of those movies I loved so much that I spent another couple hours watching the second "extra features" disc. My jaw was on the floor just about the entire time. I was expecting another Transformers or Hulk, but no! This one has style, sensitivity and heart. It just so happens to also have robots.

RENTALS:

Henry Poole is Here~ A surprisingly perfect little indie film that experiments with faith and religion. It's perfect no matter which side of the God fence you find yourself on.
Vicki Cristina Barcelona~ Oh my word. This is the best road trip with your girlfriends you'll ever go on.

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Rain Dancing

Ah, the rain. It brings out the worms and my truest, happiest self. Jude and I have been busy doing nothing these cloudy days... splashing through puddles, making hot chocolate, picking out which knit hat to wear from an overly stuffed and ridiculously unnecessary hat rack, watching snails, pretending it'll be like this forever. Even though he doesn't look much like me I now know he is my child. This kid loves rain.

And I've finally started doing some of the things on my to-do list that I never thought I would. I've made two new recipes a week for dinner from the stack of cookbooks I'd never previously cracked open. I ordered, organized and filed the 500+ pictures of Jude I've taken since October. I even started making barrettes for myself because I can never seem to find exactly what I want in a barrette. It could be the fact that my hair is as thick as a brillo pad (and not much softer, thanks Mom!) but clips just don't stay in. Here is one I made with Swarovski crystal detailing.

I also joined Facebook after being peer pressured into it from my BBC girls (you know who you are). I was very hesitant to start another online venture, but it was immediately fun to reconnect with friends from high school and beyond. I actually started a true friendship with a guy who terrorized me during my first three years of high school (it would have been all four years but he moved away our senior year. I considered it God's graduation present.). Well I guess we terrorized each other, it was an all-out war. If anyone had told me back then that I would come to cherish Randy Heckman as a friend I would have stabbed them in the neck with my No. 2 pencil. But here we are.

So that's what I've been up to lately. Lots of bubble baths, good food, chocolate kahlua cake, rain, cozy scarves and movies by myself. My motto for this year is: I survived 2008, I'm going to enjoy 2009. So far, so good.

A few favorite images from the past few weeks:

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And I will leave you with a video montage of Jude's best dance moves:

The Many Moves of Jude

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Here, in my head

This Polyvore.com site is so very dangerous. You have a blast making collages of your favorite things and after you're done it gives you a menu of quick links to buy all those favorite things. Uh oh.
Don't tell Rhys.

Here, in my head by cbuchele

Breakfast at Anthropologie

My last post was something I wrote during the hotel stay Rhys gave me for my birthday, but I wanted a separate post to commemorate the perfection of those two glorious weekend days.

I packed my bag, left a bunch of little instruction notes for Rhys about Jude all over the house (not that he needed instructions, this is just a problem I have), kissed my boys goodbye and dashed out the door on Saturday afternoon.

I checked into the Chase Suites Hotel around 3 pm. The first thing I did was light candles and ran a bath. I brought my best LUSH bubble bar and soaked for an hour, without a book, without an agenda (most of the time when I take a bath I'm trying to solve a problem while relaxing. I call it my "office." It's a bit counter-productive.). When I got out I wrapped myself in my brand new chenille robe, put on my Lisa Gerrard CD and started to write and take pictures. I went to Borders for an egg nog latte & one of their incredibly naughty marshmallow brownies. You heard me, we're talking 10,000 calories and zero guilt.

I then headed to Nordstrom Rack for some shopping and found the most amazing pajama pants by Anthropologie's brand Free People that fit perfectly and happened to be 50% off. Luck? No. This was fate.

I had dinner plans at 7:30 pm with my friend Patricia at a French restaurant called La Vie en Rose. It was an elegant setting and it was perfect. The highlight for me was the 5 desserts we had. Well, we shared a souffle and crepe, then a complimentary cream puff swan with a single candle was sent to the table since we were there celebrating both of our birthdays. Then on the way out, we were each given a little box with carrot cake & chocolate cake from a family friend who works there. One can never have too many desserts.
I headed back and watched a little Saturday Night Live before going to bed. I haven't been able to stay up past 11 pm because I have to get up at the crack of Jude every morning. But not this particular Sunday...

I woke up at 9:30 am to the sound of: absolute silence. It was gorgeous. The first thing I did was take another LUSH bath. Then I lounged around doing lots of nothing important, such as reading magazines and catching bits of old movies. Around noon I picked some roses from outside my door, put them on the dashboard of my car and went to get my favorite breakfast: an iced chai latte & egg sandwich from Starbucks. I ate it on the way to Fashion Island, my big-girl playground. Where else can you find an Urban Outfitters, Anthropologie, Z Gallerie, This Little Piggy Wears Cotton, Babystyle, Hanna Andersson, and Gelato Paradiso all in the same place? It's heaven. I strolled around, bought a few things... and found this little treasure.

A Radiohead t-shirt, size 6-12 months. The only one, stashed in a clearance basket. On sale.

I wandered lazily around Anthropologie with my iced chai, reminiscent of Holly at Tiffany's. Anthropologie is my Tiffany's, nothing bad can happen to me there. It is like entering a new atmosphere. The way the world was supposed to be created. Maybe if it had taken more than 7 days...who knows...

I ended my evening at the movie theatre, my other safe haven. Seeing movies by myself has always been a favorite past time of mine. I went to a 4 pm showing of Slumdog Millionaire and it was incredible. A perfect ending to a perfect weekend. Well, actually, I came home in time to put my little son to bed on Sunday evening. That was the perfect end to my perfect two days.

I should also mention that I came home to a clean house and a bouquet of flowers waiting for me. We watched Dexter and had sushi for dinner. Absolute bliss.

Silence

For the first time in 14 months, I am left completely alone with my thoughts. There were times when I thought I'd had a break but now that I'm experiencing this weekend in solitude I realize I wasn't ever really alone. A car ride doesn't count if there's a passenger in the carseat that can start a small war at anytime. Naptime doesn't count because of the pressure to get something substantial done during those precious two hours while he sleeps, if he decides to sleep at all. This is the first time I've been away from Jude, alone, for more than 4 hours since he was born. I had forgotten how sweet it is to breathe in complete solitude, to reflect on the glorious big picture, and to sleep in a big bed with no interruptions.

For my 32nd birthday Rhys gave me this gift of myself, in the form of a weekend alone at a fancy hotel one city away. I have Lisa Gerrard's The Silver Tree serenading a king bed lit by candlelight, just for me. The air feels different. I am inspired. I am taking pictures. I am reminded of my former self, the one who always dreamed of the very life I have now: a gentle soul to share my life with, a sweet little child to introduce the world to, and a true happiness with the woman I have become. I remember how I thought I would be unaffected by motherhood, that my main goal was to stay creative, fashionable and organized. I had hopes to even improve my daily life after having a baby with the addition of yoga classes and tea with my mom and fresh weekly floral bouquets from the local farmers market. I had no idea what motherhood requires of a girl: her body, her time, her complete self. All the designer burp cloths in the world couldn't save me from the feeling of drowning in my own new life as a mother, as I watched my aspirations as New Mom wash away. I couldn't find a shred of that girl to cling to.
And now, here I am.

A year ago I would never have believed that I'd be able to find even a glimmer of my former self within the ragged, puked-on, exhausted girl I had become. I have survived the discomfort and dissapointment of pregnancy, the torture of spotting through all trimesters, the horrific c-section delivery/recovery, and the deep darkness I fell into when we brought Jude home. Now, all that remains of those horrible first few months is a 4-inch pink scar across my belly.

Here, in my hotel room, I am not thinking about what time the next nap should be, what the next meal will be, when the last diaper was changed, where the afternoon adventure will take place, or why I ever decided that having kids was a good idea at all. I am thinking about my journey to this very day. All of my past loves that lead me to my soul mate. My insanely religious father who has never met my son. Moving out at 17, right out of high school. Living alone for 6 years before getting married. Having a baby. I am made up of tiny pieces of all of these experiences, good and bad, and that is incredible. At this moment I am not a mother, wife, accountant, housekeeper, chef, counselor, nurse, or personal servant. I am just Scarlett, the dreamer. But I wouldn't trade my busy, beautiful, crazy life for this lush solitude. At this moment, there is nothing to want. I have it all.

October

October brought all kinds of firsts to the smallest of Bucheles. There was a first frolick in crunchy fall leaves...

And a first walk on the beach...

A first looney-farm family Halloween in which the dad was a redneck, the mom was a movie star and somehow they spawned a tiny nerd...
...who played the part well.
First pumpkin patch...


And first time I made a cake with buttercream frosting from scratch...
Only to have it purposely decimated by a tiny little man on his first birthday.

Winter

This is the cover of Anthropologie's latest catalogue. I've never wanted to be somewhere else in an instant as much as when I first saw this picture. I'm sure she's cold and it's not comfortable sitting on those broken branches, but she's where I want to be. I crave icy, crunchy weather and the sting of cold on my cheeks. I want to wear my hippie hats and scarves and drink hot cider without feeling ridiculous.

Why do I even own a coat rack?

Then I consider that single word in the corner, Wonder. At first I think of it in terms of marveling at the beauty of the pure snow. Then I'm sidetracked by another meaning that is so evident in my life: to curiously think about what comes next, wondering if some things I've longed for will ever come. Having the same questions running through my head for so long makes me wonder... Will I ever be caught up enough to feel caught up? Will I ever find myself in a house surrounded by beauty? Will my life ever calm down enough for me to feel in control of it? Will "someday" ever get here?

Salvation

It turns out money can buy happiness and it comes in the form of a Canon 40D digital SLR. Meet "Black Mambo," the newest member of my family. She is dark, sleek and shoots everything in sight with no remorse. True salvation for this girl, who limped around with an old Kodak point and shoot attempting to document my firstborn's first year. I think the mother should receive a nice gift on her child's first birthday... after all, who did all the work in that situation? Sure, Jude cut a tooth here and there, grew to three times his original size, but still. I made & raised a tiny little man so I bought myself a camera to celebrate me. Now the real fun starts.

Here I am opening my, "birthday gift" which arrived at 8 pm on Jude's birthday. I. Hate. FedEx.

I took over 200 pictures in the first 24 hours of unwrapping my present. This is dangerous, I'm going to have to build a library for all of Jude's photo albums.